Bullying

When we think of bullying, we often think of  older boys picking on younger skinnier boys in high school or middle school settings. But, bullying isn’t limited to just boys or schools with lockers. It can happen to any child, at any age.

What is considered bullying?

• Name calling
• Teasing
• Inappropriate sexual comments
• Taunting
• Threatening
• Slander
• Hitting, kicking, punching, or anything other form of physical harm
• Excluding someone purposely
• Cyberbullying
• Embarrasing someone in public
• Telling other kids not to exclude someone or not to be friends with them
• or any other act intended to cause physical, emotional, verbal or social harm to someone

Bullying is real, and it exists in every community. Our communities are no exception. Statistics show that 49% of kids in grades 4-12 reported being bullied*, and approximately 30% of kids admitted to bullying others*. The chances that your child falls in either of those two categories is much larger than most parents are willing to admit. Unfortunately, by not speaking about it or by denying it, the problem doesn’t go away. On the contrary, studies show that just by communicating effectively with our children, we can help prevent bullying. Risk factors for getting bullied increases if the child is perceived as being different from the peers.

In an ideal Muslim child, here are some things that would set them apart from many of their peers:

• They refrain from the dating scene
• Their eating habits differ due to the halal & haram restrictions
• They do NOT participate in clubbing, drinking alcohol and other types of “partying”
• The modest clothing worn by the young women
• Some of the young women may even choose to wear Hijab
• Praying, sometimes in public places if going home or going to a designated prayer area isn’t possible due to time restraints
• Fasting during the month of Ramadan
• And sometimes just identifying yourself as a Muslim is enough to be

note: Ideal scenarios rarely exist. However, even if children are following a few of the basic islamic principles, they are still fall in to the “different” category.

But here’s another thing, in recent years, we have had a tremendous influx of immigrants coming in to the U.S. I was once an immigrant, and as an immigrant child attending school in the United States. Here’s a few other things that set me and other immigrant children apart:

• Dressing style
• Financial status
• Unfamiliarity of the Language
• or having an accent when speaking (ok, maybe not this but I know of plenty of kids that did have this issue)

How to talk to your kids about Bullying

It’s so important to begin this conversation as early as possible. If you haven’t started, start today. Begin by making daily conversation with your kids a habit. Ask open-ended but specific questions after school, after extracurricular activities, after playing at the playground, after parties or any other gatherings where kids are around other kids. Below are some sample questions. For a full list of after school questions, please download the free printable at the end of the post.

• Afterschool:
  • What lessons did you do in school?

• • What did you play at recess?

• • Who was the most helpful to you in class today? how were they helpful?

• • What was your favorite part of the day today?

• • What was the happiest part of your day?

• • Who is the most helpful kid in your class?

• • Who did you sit with at lunch today?

• • Let’s play 3 truths and a lie. You tell me 3 things that happened today and one that you made up. I will try to guess which of the four statements is a lie.

• • What was the funniest thing that happened today?

• • Who was absent from class today?

• • Was anyone left out during recess/playtime today?

• At the playground

• • What is the name of the new boy/girl you were playing with?

• • How did you befriend them?

• • What games were you guys playing?

• • What were the names of all the other children you were playing with?

• • What was it about them that made you want to play with him/her?

• • What did you like about your playground friend?

• • Was there anything you didn’t like about your playground friend?

• • What were some of the things your friends were saying while you guys were playing?

• • What was the worst part of playing at the playground today?

• • What was the best part of playing at the playground today?

• At parties or other kids’ gathers

• • Who were playing with the most?

• • What games did you play?

• • Who else played with you guys?

• • Did you see anyone who was sitting alone? and was left out?

• • Did you speak to anyone you didn’t know? what did you guys talk about?

• • What was the best part of the party/gathering?

• • What was your least favorite part?

• Teach kids to be kind to EVERYONE
  • Narrated by Aisha (R):
  • Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “You do not do evil to those who do evil to you, but you deal with them with forgiveness and kindness.” (Bukhari
• Teach children to be inclusive. If they see a child being left out, reach out to them, talk to them and try to include them in your games.
• Teach and encourage children to provide support to those who are getting bullied as well as the bullies.

  • Narrated by Anas (R):

  • Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “By preventing him from oppressing others.” (Sahih al-Bukhari 2444, Book 46, Hadith 5, Vol. 3, Book 43, Hadith 624)

*source: www.stopbullying.gov