You thought having the baby was the hardest part? Just wait until those sleepless nights, lack of time and an overwhelming amount of laundry starts to take its toll. During the first few weeks after birth, there are many physical, social and psychological changes that a woman must adapt to. That along with the fact that newborns are unpredictable and have no schedule or routine, can’t communicate to express their needs, and have very little care or concern about anyone’s problems has made mommying a newborn to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. This isn’t meant to scare you but just to give you a small dose of reality. Here’s the good thing, women before you have gone through this and have shared their wisdom so you can learn from their mistakes. I have been through it four times and am currently doing my fifth round Mashallah. I’d like to say that managing a newborn got easier with subsequent pregnancies, but the reality is that every child is different and so are the situations and environment around that newborn, which makes each newborn experience just as difficult as the first. But, having had five babies, I’ve learned a few things over the years. One of those things is the fact that every problem has a solution, sometimes multiple solutions.
So, here are the challenges I’ve faced at least once in my life as a mom of a newborn and the solutions that helped me overcome the challenge. Some of these solutions are formulated after speaking to many other mothers experiencing similar issues.
CHALLENGE #1: Frequent Nursing and Nursing on Demand
The very first challenge posed for me was when the nurse said, “make sure you feed the baby every 2 hours starting from the moment you start feeding, not end.” This was fine until I realized my daughter nursed for almost an hour, falling asleep every couple minutes. And immediately afterwards, she needed a diaper change. By the time I finished, it was time to nurse all over again. I was lucky if I could squeeze in a quick bathroom break in there; napping, showering or even eating were completely out of the question. You can probably imagine how long that lasted. By the time I was released from the hospital, forty-eight hours later, I was burnt out, and my motherhood journey had just begun.
Relax a little, take shortcuts, let go of some things and make yourself a nursing basket
SOLUTION: In order to overcome this, I had to make some changes; mainly in mindset. A baby’s stomach is tiny and fills up quickly, but it also empties just as quick, needing another round of nursing. This cycle can continue until the baby begins solids which is at about 6 months of age. And if that wasn’t enough, babies go through several growth spurts in the first few months, requiring extra nursing sessions to satisfy their growing stomach. So, what should you do these first six month. Well, relax a little. Try using the time in between nursing sessions to be as productive as possible so that you can take the time out for nursing. Let go a little. If something doesn’t get done, learn to forgive yourself. Take shortcuts so that you are not feeling overwhelmed and have the time to spend sitting down for the frequent nursing sessions. When you do sit down to nurse, make the most out of the time, read a book, catch up on email, or do whatever else it is that helps you feel productive or relaxed. It also helps to have a basket of necessities in a designated area where you will be nursing. This basket should contain all the items you would need to make your nursing sessions more comfortable. Check out my post on the nursing basket for more ideas of what to put in your nursing basket (post coming soon).
The other thing I learned about nursing a newborn is that you do NOT have to nurse them around the clock, waking them at the two-hour mark. Please confirm with your own pediatrician before making this change with your kids. However, for me, it worked out well to let the newborn sleep a bit, especially in the first 24 hours. I began nursing my babies every 2-3 hours, rather than the exact 2 hour mark, never allowing them to go passed 4 hours without nursing. This allowed me to settle in to a much better and more comfortable nursing schedule later.
CHALLENGE #2: Nursing in Public
Unless you plan to spend the next few years trapped in your home, you will need to figure out how to manage a baby on the go. As a breastfeeding mom, i had to figure out how to feed the baby on the go. One of the things I had to get comfortable with was nursing in public. Some places have nursing rooms for moms in public places such as malls. Unfortunately, my area doesn’t. So, whenever possible, I nurse in my car. But, many times, that is not possible. In those instances, I must nurse at the restaurant, mall, airport, airplane, Disney World, or just recently, inside the United Nations building. When I first became a mother, even the thought of nursing in public was very uncomfortable for me. I felt strongly about not introducing the babies to formula, so in order to keep up with my social needs, I had to learn to nurse in public.
Use a nursing shawl for modestly nursing in public and/or pump milk and bottle feed the expressed milk.
SOLUTION: For the sake of modesty and in order to be more comfortable with the idea of nursing in public, I use a nursing shawl. Ten years ago, when my eldest was born, nursing shawls were not as readily available. So my mom and I made it. However, today, there are many different colors and styles for nursing shawls available in markets. Another solution to avoid nursing in public is to pump ahead of time and bottle feed your baby expressed milk. Although, for me, that only worked if I had to do 1-2 feeds. Otherwise, nursing in public was a better option.
CHALLENGE #3: Sleepless Nights
With a newborn’s around the clock, nursing every 2-3 hours, sleep is hard to attain.
Co-Sleeping helped us get some extra zzzz’s
SOLUTION: I tried to be the mom who would nurse the baby, burp it and then put her back in the crib. I was so good that I actually owned and used a crib for my first baby. But, that unfortunately didn’t work out for me. I often found myself too tired to take the baby back to the crib, even when the crib was placed adjacent to the bed. I also found that the baby slept better while nestled next to me. With the eldest three kids, I always tried not to co-sleep but would soon settle in to the co-sleeping routine. With my younger two, I knew from the beginning that I would co-sleep and so we were able to plan accordingly.
CHALLENGE #4: Excessive Spit Ups
Some babies have excessive spit ups, wetting an entire receiving blanket or more at times.
Excessive spit-ups can be a sign of acid reflux, seek medical help for treatment. If there is no acid reflux or other illnesses associated with the spitups, then use a bib to avoid having to change the baby frequently
SOLUTION: My kids were among those who would spit up enough to dirty an entire receiving blanket. The spit ups got more frequent during the 2-4 month phase, and then subsided significantly after 6 months. I often blamed lack of burping at night for this, and while that may be true, it is also possible that the child may be experiencing acid reflux. So, whenever you feel the baby is spitting up too much, please address is with your pediatrician. This was the case with my youngest, and she is currently under treatment for it. For the other kids, my solution for spit ups included bibs and a well stocked receiving blanket/burp cloth stash. To prevent the spit up from ruining the clothes, use both a bib, and a burp cloth. We preferred receiving blankets since they cover a larger surface area.
CHALLENGE #5: Getting housework done
With the time and attention a new baby requires it’s hard to get anything done around the house; add in any illnesses or older siblings and the task becomes almost impossible to achieve. I am currently battling both. My newborn was recently diagnosed with acid reflux. One that is so severe that it is preventing her from gaining any weight, and the pediatrician has classified her as “failure to thrive”. In addition to that, I have three older children who have after school obligations and an extremely energetic toddler. Leaving the baby even during naptime to complete chores isn’t as easy for me as it was with the first four kids. My toddler, may he always be full of energy, is so attached to his sister that he does not want to leave her sight. He loves to play with her, hold her, talk to her and rock her “to sleep”, even when she is already sleeping. That makes it almost impossible for her to rest.
Baby wearing can help you be hands free while keeping the baby calm
SOLUTION: So, I use a baby wrap for babywearing and carry her around the house during the days that I need to accomplish chores. I’ve also enlisted the help of others to help me during the days when I have to do heavy cleaning such as the bathroom where I cannot carry her in. I also have a cleaning schedule to help me coordinate those days. For more information on my cleaning schedule, please check out the post, “My cleaning schedule”. Other solutions include hiring help to clean for you or a babysitter to watch the baby while you clean. You can also set up playdates or make arrangements with other moms to babysit kids once a week so that both you and your fellow mom friend can benefit.
CHALLENGE #6: Constant Diaper Changes
There isn’t much to do when you are a newborn other than eat, sleep, pee and poop. So, there’s no doubt that newborn parents can expect to be spending much of their time changing a diaper. If you have a designated area for changing the baby’s diaper and are not very flexible, this task can get exhausting very quickily.
Have multiple diaper changing stations throughout the main living areas of your home
SOLUTION: Don’t limit the diaper changing station to just one area in your home, instead have several different designated areas for diaper changes, especially if you are like me and live in a 2-story home. You don’t need a lot of space for a diaper changing station. I strongly advise keeping it simple, just a foldable changing mat, some diapers, wipes and either a barrier cream or a diaper rash cream (or both) all nicely contained in a basket or caddy in the most lived areas of the home. For me, that’s the family room and the master bedroom.
CHALLENGE #7: Spending time with older kids
If you have older kids, like I do, spending time with them can become challenging while trying to juggle the newborn schedule.
Preplan and utilize baby naptimes well
SOLUTION: While newborns can be unpredictable, they do nap, and that too, quite frequently. Utilize the nap times to do activities with older children. If you are nursing, you can also plan activities or read together while nursing the newborn. Because you have limited time, be sure to give them your undivided attention and make the best out of whatever opportunity you get.
CHALLENGE #8: Crying baby
A crying baby can be quite frustrating for the entire household. Since baby’s cannot express themselves using words, they cry often. Sometimes the cries are even more frequent if the baby is ill.
To understand what your baby’s different cries mean, check out Dunstan Baby Language
SOLUTION: Baby’s cries usually differ based on their different needs. As a first time mom, I remember when the doctor asked during my baby’s routine 2 month visit, “ does she have a different cry for different things?” I was stumped, had a blank look on my face but nodded “yes”, because I didn’t want to seem like that mother who didn’t know her own child. But, if you are like me and are having a hard time understanding the different types of cries, I’ve got a solution, Dunstan Baby Language. Priscilla Dunstan, the brains behind this theory, states that all babies have vocal reflexes that contribute to 5 different sounds that they make for their 5 basic needs: hunger, lower gas, discomfort, gas, or the need to be burped. For more information on Dunstan Baby Language, please check out http://www.dunstanbaby.com.
CHALLENGE #9: Feelings of loneliness
When you are caring for a newborn, most often your days are spent confined to your home, with only your newborn as your companion and that to dictating your every move. Unable to eat when you want, go to the bathroom when you need to or sleep when you’re tired can be very frustrating. If that wasn’t enough, social media now allows you to see how often your family and friends are going out, enjoying parties, celebrating events and just having fun. This alone can cause anyone to become depressed and lonely. But then you also have the fluctuation of hormones in the first few months of postpartum and a number of other factors i haven’t even mentioned.
Talk to someone. Confide in your spouse, family and friends or use social media to connect with friends and other moms to form a support group
SOLUTION: Talk to someone. Speak to your spouse about how you feel. Ask friends and family to come over for chai. Ask a close friend if you can come over when there are no men in the house so that you can comfortably nurse your newborn while still spending time with her. Call your friends and have a chat over the phone or start blogging. Using your time productively and occupying yourself does wonders for mental health.
CHALLENGE #10: Spending time with the hubby
One of the biggest disruptions to routine life upon the arrival of a new baby is the distance is creates among spouses.
Express your need to each other, communicate and together work out a plan to make time for each other
SOLUTION: If you are struggling with finding time for showering, sleeping or even eating, you probably don’t have time to cater to another human. Well, guess what ladies, your spouse also has needs and just like you, his life has also changed. And, believe or not, just like you he may also be feeling lonliness. Sometimes just talking can give both you and your spouse the emotional support you both may crave. Communication is key here, be sure to discuss your needs and together work out a plan to satisfy those needs. My husband and I found that the best way for us to stay connected was to spend quality time after the kids go to bed, and in between the newborn’s nighttime naps.
